| WHAT I DID IN EUROPE PARTS I and II: so a quick debriefing... we missed our klm flight and were re-routed via air france and ended up in paris for the day last wednesday. made it to berlin that evening. staying with elle's cousin maike who is the best kind of bohemian queen hippie. in less than one week we have been to paris, berlin, dresden, and prague... i'm exhausted just thinking about it.
things to note... harry was right "i don't know lloyd, the french are assholes." berlin is very radical... lots of sick motherf*cking germans. think belmont and halsted being it's own city. LOTS OF LESBIANS. we saw two lesbians in an outdoor eatery touching each others (according to elle) no no spots. too bad they weren't hot huh? there are also a LOT of transvestites... and they are so not pretty like the ones at the kitkat club and baton. the clubs/bars in berlin are sketchy, but so much fun... danny kim you were right, european men dance like flaming homosexuals. and for those of you who know my vices... we met americans from THE OC. "california, california, here we come..." we saw the wall, the holocaust memorial and museum, and had dinner at a commune where the men looked like women and the women looked like men. and we have eaten the BEST FOOD EVER. (mostly in paris, berlin, and dresden.) and some shitty food too. prague is NOT the place to expect good food. decent sometimes, good never... napoleon planned his hostile takeover in the backyard of our b&b in dresden. i saw titians, raphaels, correggios, oh too many to name. anyone who has had an acid flashback owes a debt of gratitude to the man from dresden who invented rat poison. i tip my hat, good sir. on the way to prague we stopped in waldedylle, and saw the house that elle's mother and maike's father grew up in before they had to flee to westphalia during the start of the war. it was, to say the least, humbling and surreal. in prague we stayed on the vlatava in get this... a boat-el... a f*cking hotel that was a boat. we all have become incredibly fond of the suprise dutch oven, elle mostly, but i'm catching on quickly. suzanne, when she is tired, has infinitely many blonde moments (forgive me if you are currently blonde). she has said things like "karl marx, he was a famous dj" and "the guy in the courtroom that says all rise, the tariff" but she can navigate like lewis and clark, leading the way everywhere we go, and being the first mate on our drive to dresden and also prague. the pr in prague is for prostitute. i haven't seen that many whores since the republican national convention. we visited the jewish quarter and saw an exhibit of pictures drawn by children in terezinstadt, a concentration camp in wwII. went to the john lennon wall in the mala strana district in prague and left our mark... and now we are back in berlin.
elle hasn't been feeling her best but she seems to be on the upswing, and seeing her uncle hansverner (who is tylor robinson 50 years older) for the first time, and visiting her roots, has been certainly unimaginable. suzanne might get married in montenegro (we can't say for sure) but she is thrilled to be going to greece, and she seems to be on a similar road to self discovery and exploration as me. and i am, of course, crazy as hell and fighting my mind on many things. for me mostly, i think this is a journey for freedom from my expectations, my neurosis, my inhibitions, and really, myself. even after reading zen keys, i'm still obscenely uptight. i don't think i'll ever not be nuts... eh, whatev.
i miss home... mostly ima, and all of you of course. let me know how you all are, and give me the word on the street. is there even a poker game? does big gay al still like men? how is the andy milonakis show? who had sex with whom? how fast is your sexual clock ticking? and do the power rankings see a future for the next champ? how is stanford? ohio? utah? wisconsin? life? the WSOP! good luck at the WSOP riv. and congratulations on marriages, the happiest of days, and good times.
for the birthday wishes i am forever grateful... love, the fat american. klein.
YO YO YO... greetings from Greece, Athens to be precise.
alright, so last you heard we had just returned to Berlin from Prague. we were in Berlin until July 2, flew to Crete that day and then Santorini, Ios, Mykonos, and now Athens. in that order and for approximately two nights each... ok, here goes.
Berlin... celebrated the birth of your favorite Dutch oven queen and mine, Elle, at the posh park eatery Cafe Schoenbrunn. Maike's boyfriend Peter, some crazy English guy named Patrick and his dog Lazy, and Maike's brother Timm (with two m's) joined us. saw Van Goghs at the Brueke Exhibit. watched Halloween in German. had a much needed psych session. got drunk and Suzanne broke the sink... and amidst the chaos the crazy English guy who was crashing on the floor gets up and asks where his duvet cover is? idiot... we got our revenge by using him as the human canvas. an Italian waiter was enamored with Elle. Sarah was ill for a day. we cleaned Maike's kitchen. partied at a beach bar in the rain sans Elle with Maike, Patrick, Peter, and Timm. met some sick ass Germans. smoked pot. and shit. nearly missed our flight to Crete by going to Berlin Schoenfeld instead of Berlin Tegel. peter drove like a crazy German and got us there less than 15 minutes before takeoff and they let us on... Suzanne with a lighter no less. yargle.
Crete... the owner and bartenders of the club Blue are f*cking cool as shit and we had the best time. Hotel Irini has bed bugs and the sheets are made of wool. body condoms are a necessity. Hotel Atrion is where it is at. guys with dreads are hot. only take high speed ferries unless you want to be sick all over yourself. internet cafe's are serious sausage fests and affirm the rumor that Greek men do not wear deodorant.
Santorini... the black sand burns like a mother. and walking out onto smooth lava when you're going for a swim sounds good but if you're not careful you will bust your shit because it is slippery as hell. the sunsets in Oia are only good if you're on a date... warning, there will be homo erotic moments if you are amongst friends. Fira is good fun but the music is seriously outdated... they played rhythm is a dancer and pump the jam. yeesh.
Ios... Scandinavian people have a reputation for being laid back, LIES i tell you. i think the whole of the population of Norway and Sweden were on ios those days and they were drunk and belligerent on the beach. and none of the Scandinavian languages are pleasing to the ear so it was a constant sea of "darta darta darta." met a guy who looked like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings... damn. the Hora, or village, is one f-ing huge party and oh man the poor natives... we saw one lady out at like 3am or so yelling at these English folks "party party all the time, crazy English malakas" yikes. i think she was carrying a broom too... at the port we met some crazy Aussies who were cool as hell.
Mykonos was one FUCKING PARTY. so damn fun. big gay Al's Mecca. arrived at 3pm, went to paradise beach and partied until 830pm. saw a man wearing a g string shaped like an elephant with his penis as the trunk... and yes, we have pictures. elle was mesmerized, he kept swinging back and forth. went back out at 1am after a brief nap and hit up Skandinavian bar, Paradise Beach bar, and Cavo Paradiso. Suzanne met some potential husbands but none proved worthy. left Cavo at nearly 630am and desperately tried to find a cab. just as we were giving up hope and accepting our fate (that we had to wait until 745am for the first bus) the hot men from oz rode by on vespas and saved the day. they took us to breakfast at a creperie and the one that looked like Stiffler from the American Pie films (yes jilly, we met your future husband) drove his vespa right into the foyer of our hotel with Sarah on the back... being the ninny that she is, she had a mild heart attack. fell asleep at 830am, woke at 1130am (after checkout) hit the beach, saw the elephant man again (who was actually then giraffe man), shopped, and then hopped a ferry to Athens. by the way, Paradise Beach on the west side is the nude side. Sarah didn't know that and saw a seventy year old man with long bleach blond hair with all his shit hanging out... another mild heart attack.
Athens. arrived at one am and checked into the nastiest hotel that was booked for us by Dimitrios in Crete at Skoutelis travel... it was so not funny that it was hilarious. Suzanne saw a roach and slept with the lights on and the covers tucked in all around. we showered with flip flops and later read in the lonely planet that Omonia (the part of Athens we are staying in) is known for its pick pockets and prostitutes... ha. this morning we took a tour of the Acropolis and saw the Parthenon. and again, as most things are, it was very humbling. Dimitrios came through and sent us to a nice four star hotel not too far away for tonight.
now, the the Greece top five:
1. it is beautiful.
2. Greek men wear speedos or swim nude and are NOT circumcised.
3. Greek women are just as hairy as Greek men and go topless on the beach.
4. the cool songs in Greece are "rhythm is a dancer" and "pump up the jam"
and 5. even if you order chicken, and they tell you that its chicken, it probably isn't chicken.
shit that was way longer than we anticipated... eh, whatev. tomorrow we leave for Rome and we are thrilled. so take care, fill us in on the word, and we'll catch you on the flip side.
much love,
klein, elle, and suzanne. |
